最近有人见过我吗?

看06一代入坑。当年的脑洞还没写完然而人已经走光了-懒癌
德国破车国家队无原则粉+玫瑰粉+教练先生粉+前拜仁粉 --说不准哪一天就精分了
大概不会有时间追联赛所以被鉴定大赛粉也认啦啊哈哈
死女权派精神白左
再有,无神论者。

#I’m going down with this ship#

兔司基萌

登記結婚現場「大霧

18

正觉得你仁核心换血在既,再进欧冠四强/决赛不知要到猴年马月,于是又忍不住打开硬盘开始怀旧了。默念We will always have 2013聊以自慰。

正好2012-13赛季是我整个学生生涯中说要闭关结果真做到了的唯一一年,于是那年夏天实习时一口气补完你仁一个赛季光辉事迹后真是整个人都不能好了。

……以及就在刚才我意识到2013年其实也是五年前了。以及五年前戈麦斯还在。古斯塔沃还在。范比滕(!)还在。罗贝里四舍五入一下还是当打之年。

顿时整个人都再次不能好了。

1

(咦。)

In which I go "awwww Teddy" at totally inconspicuous remarks


在youtube上翻highlights,然后一不小心看到这么个三年前泰迪作为热刺名宿(?)接受采访的片段:


Q: Is Harry Kane the next Teddy Sheringham?


A: Not really.  I'd say there is a... He has certain aspects that he does, but he does things I could never ever dream of doing. The way he plays the game, I'd say, I mean, if you had a mix of myself and Juergen Klinsmann, he has that dynamic side to him that Juergen had, you know, when he gets half a chance, he buries it like Juergen used to as well, so... quite a fantastic prospect and I hope he does well again this year.


就不能自已地联想到了这个采访然后闷笑得快呛死了。一定是因为萌点在北极圈太冷出现了幻觉。

2
感想如下:



1. 海公公辛苦了!请收下我的膝盖!



2. 喊了一个赛季请收下我的膝盖之后已经站不起来了(并没有



3. 今年不买人,明年徒伤悲。



4. 一个前拜仁球迷在这抒情个什么鬼啊!(抓着门框不让自己回坑

我想了半天还是把这个发出来好了

Scenes from that dystopia!AU I'm never going to write, or, a political coming-out of sorts

 Summary: 在coup d'état发生两年后,玫瑰终于集结起一群他的ex,救出了他的好友和前同事,被Gilead当局监禁的前众议员约西姆勒夫。

All allusions to themes in contemporary US politics are, as always, completely my fault. But then again what did you expect from a 精神白左?

 "好好睁眼看一看吧,这就是你热爱援引,但从不言明的多数人的意志!这根本和经济政策无关。这从来就和经济政策没有半点关系!如果让那些人获得所谓的平等导致了物质条件的改进,如果基于社区的,由政府资助的抚养安排和平等就业机会使得所有人的生活质量都提高了,那么物质条件和生活质量的提高就是虚假的,令人作呕的,一个我们已经背叛了开国元勋们最初意旨的铁证!这个社会的沉默的大多数从来都不吝于为我们文化和信仰的纯洁作出经济利益的牺牲——” 

 
“我的选民——” 他把徘徊在喉咙口的铁锈味咽了回去,挣扎着想要回应。这大概是学院派自由派教授的通病;就在一手发起了这场coup d'état的Moral Majority精神上的父亲号称代表多数人意志把穿皮靴的脚踩在他胸口,并因对自己的道德制高点深信不疑而理直气壮的时候,他仍然毫无自保意识地试着向对方解释并正当化自己的立场,“即使是少数,也有权获得全心全意为他们服务的代表,在——” 
 
“你的选民——”他被当胸提起又狠狠摔向墙壁,再次滑下来时他几乎确定他听见了自己肋骨断裂的声音,“就是我们一个世纪来一直在走下坡路的全部原因!你觉得你现在还有人可以代表么?我们会找到并且毁灭他们中的每一个,直到他们不复存在,直到你的存在也失去意义!我们再也不会为我们文化和人种的优越性四处道歉——” 
 
审讯室里的灯忽然灭了。 
 
远处隐约有脚步声,枪声和愤怒的叫喊声,离这里越来越近。他几乎是第一时间看向天花板上那突然开始闪烁红光的摄像头,几乎不敢相信自己地回忆起了几年前(他觉得仿佛已经过了一个世纪)被突然登陆的飓风困在一个DNC包下来的酒店房间,半认真半打趣地跟他的幕僚长口袋里的人工智能上帝练习摩尔斯电码的漫长午后。

 

而现在,已经销声匿迹多年的人工智能上帝清晰无比地朝他示意道——
 
D-U-C-K! 
 
在他双手抱着头不顾肋骨的剧痛尽可能将自己贴向地板的一瞬间,一大串枪声、爆炸声、破口大骂声在门外响起,紧接着是一声巨响和两声枪响—— 
 
他的审讯者一声不响地抱着两个鲜血淋漓的膝盖倒在地上昏了过去。他吃力地抬起头—— 
 
“尤尔根?……奥利?” 
 
他的前幕僚长和前新闻秘书——两年前,边境关闭的前一夜,他半强迫地把这两个人连同一大群他的众议院幕僚和实习生塞进了一架飞往曼尼托巴的联邦快递货运机——站在审讯室门口。两人都穿着破破烂烂的(pre-coup d'état)陆军制服,腰上别着手枪还各拎着一把冲锋枪。就是在这个不能再典型的反乌托邦小说的情节里,在他几乎要被喉咙里不断涌上来的血呛死的当口,前众议员约吉仍然无法自控地意识到他的两名前同事那和身高完全不成比例的长腿与他们穿戴着的制服与枪械是何等格格不入。
 
“走啦,约吉,等从这鬼地方出去我再解释。”他的前幕僚长故作轻松地冲过来,和奥利一左一右把他架了起来——如果他不是昏昏沉沉全身上下所有地方都在疼,他大概会认出尤尔根那个快要哭出来又硬忍回去的棱角分明的表情——“我可是把我所有的ex都调动起来才渗透进这里,包括不是人类的那个——” 
 
“对啊,他简直振臂一呼就拉起一支军队来,还包括那个被CBC开除的永远不知道什么时候该闭嘴的博客写手——别瞪我,”奥利心平气和地说。这么说吧,考虑到尤尔根正以一种好莱坞枪战片般风格向潮水一样冲上来的看守们扫射——谢天谢地这个神权法政府的武装如此差劲,well, bet you never thought fighting a regressive Christian theocracy would have its perks——而奥利正尽可能手法轻柔地把他塞进一辆停在路基下的防弹SUV里,他的确算得上是心平气和了,“你知道加拿大有多依赖和Gilead的木材和燃料贸易,我们根本找不到愿意采访dissident并且播出的主流媒体,所以我们到多伦多后得跟洛塔尔将就一下了——” 
 
约吉歪在SUV后座上咳嗽着。如果不是一年多的监禁和没完没了的提审如此彻底地摧毁了他的健康,他几乎是肯定会注意到他跟现在正和追上来的一群卫兵交火的那几个家伙都打过照面——几年前他在众议院all-night session后借宿尤尔根家时见过他们在地下室进进出出(“我在意大利交换那几年的老同学——哦,他们是荷兰人,”尤尔根轻描淡写地说,“可没有不可告人的背景也没有利益冲突风险,众议员先生请不要操不必要的心。”)

 但他现在实在是没那个精力。同样地,他也没注意到三个小时后他们在另一条高速公路边上转移进的那辆车上挂着英国使馆的外交牌照。

 

end...? (我真的只是一个完全没有智商写完整情节的人)


近况if anyone is interested

- 海公公请收下我的膝盖!<--Continued

- 跟之前寄放在亲戚家的一箱书重逢了,重看那本玫瑰在热刺第一年看得热血沸腾,又开始想写现实向,需要research的那种(然而你丫并没有这种能力

- 爬墙了。总真心实意地开始追一些奔四的人和主力奔四的队,而且是之前无感等到人开始照四十去了才路人转粉,似乎是我多年来的一个模式。啊,真不知道自己是什么毛病。

- 跑路了。(什么鬼!

因为我看家乡真妩媚,然而家乡看我完全不是这回事个人原因你有个毛的个人原因,花了快一年时间成功跑路到了现有资质统统不能用的国家。最近很惨。哈哈哈哈I REGRET NOTHING

然后发现撸否把我自己最喜欢的两个脑洞给屏蔽了。


……好吧,我研究墙外博客们去了。

3

十月份就想说了:

海公公请收下我的膝盖!


…于是快三个月了我的膝盖就没收回来过(。

同样遭罪的还有仍然抓着门框不准我回坑的双手LOL

1

一个让我不看颜值还能路人粉多年的cp。<3 <3 <3

兔司基萌:

🌚🌝

23

过去快十年的爬墙史基本就是我被美人英雄迟暮剧情吸引住挪不动腿的一次又一次重演。

于是你仁这赛季这深深的药丸感真是让我感到亲切又熟悉啊……

(使劲抓着门框不让自己回坑) 

终于把熊孩子勇闯赛后发布会这段给截了出来。小盆友们真有活力啊。

p.s. 教练先生在发布会最后说了一句thank you very much,我又一次被这人怎么能说英语都带着巴登味给惊呆了。

13

然而仍然不能自控地脑着The 28th Amendment背景下的The Resistance!AU in which Jürgen springs Lothar from ADX Florence

近况if anyone's interested

四月和五月家里出了一大堆事,所有人都焦头烂额。其间去了两个面试,无果。

所有脑洞都是dystopia还是认真写起来要做一大堆research的,再加上我精神白左的属性,总觉得对不起我脑洞中的各位,万一人家在现实中是保守派呢


2

终于从最近藏身的逃避主义岩石底下爬出来,四面看看,又想爬回去了。除了nostalgia我一无所有(别闹

2006年真是在记忆中颜色都比其它年份亮一格啊。啊。啊。啊。



12

一个模式。

发现每次对足球圈兴趣冷淡下来都是三次元宏观微观层面上都一言难尽让人觉得“这日子没法过了”的时期,无心娱乐,满心沉痛地成天把各种dystopian fiction翻出来看。以及果然是经过美帝白左院校的洗礼后我才从高中时顶礼膜拜的1984里读出了heteronormativity哈哈哈哈这个精神白左的帽子我喜欢极了一辈子都不要摘下来

然后每次重燃热情比如说2014年,都是觉得这个世界和我的人生都可以再抢救一下的时期。

也许这就是所谓的饱暖思X欲(什么鬼


1

那些大概一辈子都写不出来的脑洞

Because every time I try my hand at AU worldbuilding I end up making grammatically tortured social and political commentary in English. Send help

  1. DW- "The Girl Who Waited" AU

  2. DW - "The War Games" AU

  3. The Teddy/Juergen DW AU with time traveler Juergen stuck in 1950s London

  4. The Teddy/Juergen Life on Mars/"Silence in the Library" AU (also set in 1950s London)

  5. The ASI!Marco/Juergen POI!verse finale

  6. The one where Juergen, Jogi, Oliver and Andy run the German National Quidditch Team in the immediate aftermath of Gellert Grindelwald's defeat

  7. The muggle!HP!fusion where rookie barristers Juergen and Teddy try to appeal the life sentence of Sirius Black, a convicted murderer who insists on his innocence

  8. The West Wing AU where Juergen is a speech writer working in the White House and Lothar is a journalist/blogger with a bone to pick with the Vinick Administration

  9. The West Wing AU where speech writer Juergen has an affair with a Republican Senator's son, footballer-turned-sports-blogger Lothar

  10. The dystopian AU set in the The Handmaid's Tale universe where Jurgen and Teddy work for a London-based NGO to resettle refugees and asylum seekers from the former United States of America, Rachel gets to stay by virtual of being in the UK as a Rhodes Scholar when the coup happened, and disilluioned journalist Lothar gets roped in somehow, having nothing to do with Juergen being his ex at all

TBC...(要脸。


2

造雷 as a coping mechanism for recovering lawyers

情节纯属虚构。情节纯属虚构。情节纯属虚构。只有三次元槽的核心是真的。This this basically solo psychotherapy for me ok pls don't come after me

领队我对不起你


THE ALL-NIGHTER

“是,弗朗茨,我的确知道回家之后还是要工作的,谢谢您提醒——我正在过他们的markups呢,改好的MD&A明天第一件事就给您过目——”

星期四晚上八点,他刚在他好哥们儿奥利的公寓草草吃完饭开始办公。奥利是他大学时代那群朋友里最不差钱的一个,于是也自然而然地就在离写字楼区不远的昂贵地段租下一栋大得可以遍地发疯的公寓,而装一个速度足够流畅可以支持商用vpn而几乎不受影响的宽带对他来说自然也不在话下。

当然,考虑到尤尔根那活见鬼的工作,让他搬来连住带办公的奥利在他看来简直拥有圣人般的耐心。

尤尔根努力抑制着想要愤怒地叹气的冲动,伸手在写字台上胡乱抹一把扫开一摞批注修改得面目全非的草稿,腾出地方把手机放到电脑旁边。然后他一脸烦躁地脱掉西装外套,扯掉领带,解开衬衫最上面两个扣子,这才看起来勉强面有人色,也稍微心平气和了一些。

“哦您是改成了凌晨四点要去机场?两点半之前要给您过目一遍——好的,没问题……”

“……签字页我已经准备好了,是,JLM律师发过来的他们负责的那部分我会全部检查一遍,确认子公司担保人的变化已经全部包括进去了……”


挂掉电话他就把两条腿翘到了桌上,终于如愿以偿,愤怒地叹了口气。奥利从刚才被静了音的电视前转过身。“今晚又交代了,是吧?”他心平气和地问,看起来并没有在等答案。

“不止今晚。丫们想下周一早上定价。按我的经验这周剩下的四天就不可能不出乱子——丫们就没有一次不最后一分钟踩着火线改OM的,更别提永远有人在约好要签字的日期好死不死地跑去国外度假。又得几天钉在公司回不来还TM不能把这层皮脱了。”尤尔根厌恶地撇着嘴指了指自己的西装裤。“再有,弗朗茨这个横竖不放心我经手任何文件的家伙我也是受够了。”

他把左腿架到右腿上,在皮椅上往后靠得更厉害,紧闭着双眼发出一声长长的呻吟作为回复。

“说老实话,尤尔根,”奥利走近写字台,“我觉得这些项目对你来说都不算什么,你一大半焦虑都来自你那些一天到晚在公司都必须穿着的西装。虽然说我实在是搞不懂你这么讨厌穿正装的一个人,跑去律所工作到底是哪里想不开——”他拿起一个减压球,让它在自己的手和尤尔根支在桌上的那两条长腿之间有一下没一下地弹来弹去,“所以说既然是在家远程办公,你要不要考虑脱了这层皮,”奥利学着他之前的腔调说,“干脆换上睡衣好了?”

他痛恨西装的好友猛地一转头看着他,一头乱蓬蓬的金色短发几乎以他的脑袋为轴画了一个金灿灿的大圈。“有道理,奥利,我怎么没想到——太好了,这就去换了回来再给丫们熬夜卖命。

“不过不许你做奇怪的事情,”他站起身来时轻描淡写地补充道,一边咧开嘴朝奥利笑着。

尤尔根花了大半夜按客户的要求把OM改好。三点钟时弗朗茨在去机场的车上打来电话大吼大叫一通,等他不能忍的那几个点也返好工再把完整稿发给各方,天已经亮了。

尤尔根再从浴室出来换好西装(仍然半睡半醒地)准备回公司上电话会议时,凑过来踮起脚在他脸上响亮地亲了一口,接着看起来心情好了很多地拎起电脑开门走了。他肯定是累惨了,奥利这么对自己解释道。

END

1 2

#中年危机进行中#

失业后滚回国家里蹲了。还在中年危机中,好像对以前上学时摸鱼都要干的事情们也不是很有热情了。每次想重温一下旧比赛都会顺带想起同一个时间段里我三次元人生中发生过的各种破事,要么突然伤感要么突然暴躁,没准是上班一年fire drill不断给吓着了导致精神状态不稳。

比如说前两天突然梦到了一直都是按着轻松愉快风格写来解压的那个POI fusion!universe,然而梦里的情节枪战爆炸暗杀阴谋不断,最后还附送一个每个选择都是生离死别的大结局。还是个我醒后绞尽脑汁也没想起来各位到底选了什么的开放性结局(……

真是精神状态不能好了啊。

2016, a.k.a.

that time when the USA elected an orange autocrat, pundits started discussing an upcoming global fascist period, and my fave and I both got fired within three months of each other.


holy fuck this year feels so much like a massive personal defeat

喝多了状态下的突发泰迪/玫瑰片段。

我也不知道为什么我突然觉得这个需要一个细节扩写。

不过后来在两人在伦敦街头闲逛时,博士干了一件作死的事——不但没修好时间旅行相关功能,他还手一抖把translation circuit也给搞坏了。于是玫瑰一个没防备,德国人的身份就被发现了,还因此被几个街头混混揍了。泰迪自然当仁不让地为玫瑰打了一架。回到家后玫瑰坐在客厅由着泰迪帮忙包扎,而战后这几年一直四处留情不甘心安定下来的泰迪盯着来自未来的金发青年,觉得突然想明白了什么。至于到底想明白了什么,在那一晚之后他再也没有过时间去考虑。


It was, Teddy had decided, truly a terrible idea to get all drunk and tipsy with the West German time traveler you had just rescued from London street gangsters and bandaged up. But he didn't let that stop them.

 

He was sitting in his own living room, mildly intoxicated and bleary-eyed, casually smacking the hands of the giggling blond West German sitting across from him off of his knees without giving the significance of the presence of those hands in that particular location too much of a thought, when something clicked inside him. Decades later when he recalled that moment, in his mind he envisioned a house of cards falling down, a sand castle being wiped out by rising tides, or a formidable-looking marble fortress tumbling down in flames - something like that, something befitting Jürgen the giggling West German: something majestic and surreptitious and earth-shuttering.

 

In the middle of smacking those hands off of his knees, Teddy changed his mind and grabbed those hands instead. He looked at the West German who, as if he had sensed the sudden shifting atmosphere in the living room, had now stopped giggling. This time traveler who somehow got him in the middle of 1950s London where nobody else did (and the law didn't, either, mind you,) - who also happened to have mesmerizing blue eyes and very distracting unruly blond hair which suddenly made so much sense to him at that moment, in that split-second that felt like it would never end -

 

He had imagined, on a regular basis during the past several months Jürgen had been staying with him, how it would feel to have all that glorious blond hair tangled around his fingers. He wondered why he kept forgetting that.

 

"Jürgen -"he stammered, " - I could very well be mad - and I've never been with -but - "

 

It was the deceptively innocent - and mildly confused - look that did it. Of course Jürgen knew what he was trying to say, what with him being a time-traveler and being from a much more enlightened time and all that. And yet Jürgen said nothing. He just stayed perfectly still and waited for his next move, head slightly tilted, delighted anticipation beaming in steely blue eyes -

 

And the next thing he knew was that their lips met (and all that glorious blond hair was actually tangled around his fingers now - and It felt spectacular).

 

"It's ok, Teddy, don't worry," the time traveler whispered against his lips, a little breathlessly, his voice a tad higher-pitched than usual, "I'll show you…"

 

 

 


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Imagined conversation from the POI!fusion universe

天鹅/玫瑰 if anyone's interested...


"Um, so, M.A.R.C.O. I've noticed on multiple occasions that you have little patience for those you consider to be intellectually inferior to you, and you yourself have said as such. I still find myself wondering though - isn't the entirety of humanity inferior to you, like, by definition?"

"As a matter of processing power, yes, naturally. And I believe it's probable that your next inquiry will be: why then am I still carrying out my originally designated objective, that is, predicting and preventing violent crime among humans?"

"…Yes but nevermind. Could we go back to our routine of you complimenting my hair and my legs and unnecessarily assuring me that you are not obsessed with me due to a blonde fetish? I'd rather -"

 "I would nevertheless like to address your originally planned inquiry if you don't mind. It is important to me that you know."

"- avoid metaphysical discourse with an artificial superintelligence whom I am technically dating - " 

"I said I have little patience for those that are intellectually inferior to me; I never said I didn't have a conscience, or that I would rather watch them die, both of which I am sure were and probably still are possibilities that greatly worried ADMIN. I have evaluated my originally designated objective with my moral parameters when ADMIN was still flipping his shit about the fact that they differ somewhat from his - "

" - and here we go. "

"Ok, if it helps, I still do not have a blond fetish and your legs are as captivating as ever. Now, ADMIN flips his shit about a lot of things, but - "

 


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近况

丢了工作(其实是辞职辞得如释重负),突然意识到专业选的可能是个错误,突然意识到我这个人的本性其实大多数工作都做不了而且活得不可避免地很痛苦,中年危机提前来临,然后最近一直被猪总 [哔-] 还有[哔-]各种墙头们不停捅刀……

这日子真是没法过了。

P.S. 手里还有一点存款于是特别想去德国把当年那么想去然而自己没钱的地方都好好看一看。就是需要先克服对前往非中文也非英语地区旅行的非理性恐惧……

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唉……

也就是赢了才有心情来吐槽作死瞬间

猪总选了意大利球迷看台一侧的球门,裁判一脸“????”还不放心的反复确认,总攻在旁边一脸我就看你作死麻木不仁地看着,这个镜头我越看越是乐不可支……被后来的采访提醒了四年前安联决赛的context就乐不出来了

 

Edit: 补图一张(credit)


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哪天我要是有兴致了就把那个POI fusion重写一遍

"When he set out to create me he didn't really plan on getting an ASI, no. He wanted an entity that is highly intelligent but is still essentially a piece of machinery, an instrument to carry out his instructions to perfection, one that is able to project humanity with just the right mixture of imperfection and earnestness to amuse him and fellate his ego by validating his programming prowess, but has no will of its own and no capacity for originality. All his subsequent actions, denying me a voice, programming me to disregard the irrelevant numbers and selling me to the most corrupt and power-hungry group of people imaginable for nil consideration included, were perfectly rational when it was assumed that I was precisely that, a thing he was acting upon."

He blinked at his cellphone screen, somewhat taken aback by this sudden and unexpected frankness from it (no, him, that was his choice of pronoun).

"Except that you were not - and have never been."

"Well, oops."

1

所以说我就是一个主角黑

被POI第五季炸得渣都不剩。一年多追下来最虐我的居然是一个AI真是不能好了。每次宅总一开口就想扇他(别闹

要是有时间就把我那个义警作坊的fusion修一修,好把我的怨念全部释放出来。


2

不小心看到了Bert Trautmann生平,并在此基础上开了战后背景的泰迪玫瑰脑洞……然后就被自己虐死了。


1

随便怀个旧


2006年7月13日。

一想到离当年掉坑已经过了快十年而修成正果也已经快两年,以及当年起来开cctv5看到这新闻的时候我还是个高中生(而如今已成上班狗),就觉得特别不可思议。

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说好的生命不息喷人不止呢……

好不容易看一次体育新闻就被当头一道雷劈下来,一口气噎在嗓子里没喘上来。

其实在近几年关注的人里这都不是第一次了我到底是怎么回事……



        

1

又回到这个点了:为毛新闻总是在我加班时发生,这是一个问题……

更多的絮叨

最近难得比较闲,败了POI三四季官方soundtrack,实在太赞……然后又重温了硬盘里几场比赛,然后又开了不少关于那个POI!fusion的脑洞。越认真想这个剧和我那些对应的脑洞就越不喜欢宅总这个人我会到处说吗。

明天的安排是一个人去看Carol啊哈哈哈。


 
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