...And I haven't slept for 30 hours send help

Shit I forgot to make it clear that all my non-AU plot bunnies are dated approx. 2010-2014 and I just. Don't have the mental energy to account for subsequent post-2015 theatrics? Basically I get that everyone hates everyone else and a lot of people's reputations are in the dirt now but I am feeling too frazzled to acknowledge this...? 
 
Like all my nostalgia is for basically 2006-2015 Jesus fucking Christ I still get all melancholic and mawkish about DFB's 2006 and 2010 squads and Klinsi's trash fire half season circa 2008-09 (!) AND grandpa Heynckes' triple runner-up season and associated angst and fan circlejerks, AND Pep "vielen vielen(?)" Guardiola in all his "das passiert jedes fucking Spiel!" splendor? Whereas post 2015 it's felt like everything was covered in snow, these people didn't even seem real and time didn't even feel real to me, and I've basically lost the ability to form new emotional attachments...FML